By JIMMY D / Pitching, stolen base woes killing baseball pool | Jimmy's archive

Dictionaries define parasites as “toadies” and “hangers-on” and talent-less or value-less people who aim to benefit from the value, hospitality or talent of others.

In your real life, you steer clear of such sycophants and losers. In your fantasy life, you fall over yourself trying to find them.

They are most common in NHL fantasy and start revealing themselves in training camp.

In Atlanta, Brett Sterling could move up your draft lists as a prime parasite. Last year’s AHL Rookie of the Year has scored well in preseason and there have been rumblings that the Thrashers will pair him with Todd White and Ilya Kovalchuk.

“We want to re-create chemistry with the lines,” Coach Bob Hartley said last week. “We want to make sure we play as many guys with their linemates and their partners.”

There is also talk of Tobias Enstrom, a skilled but dwarfy blueliner, making the team. Could be a power-play leech in Atlanta.

In New York, the younger brother of fantasy stuff Marian Hossa may slurp his way into your parasitic good books. Marcel Hossa has been penciled in to ride shotgun with Jaromir Jagr. That would be great for some free assists and extra icetime for the younger Hossa, a Habs first-rounder who has yet to tally more than 10 goals in a season.

In Pittsburgh, all eyes are on Petr Sykora to see if he can pull the league’s primo parasite position – right wing with that Crosby guy. (It’s a given that speedy greybeard Mark Recchi will get time on Crosby’s left wing).

“I’m here to score goals. I’m not like Sid or (Evgeni) Malkin,” he said last week. “I’m a different kind of threat. I’m the guy who shoots.”

So whether it’s with Crosby, Malkin or Jordan Staal, there should be lots of shooting to be done. He had a useful season on a bad Edmonton team last year.

In Detroit, there could be a fantasy comedown in the cards for Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk. The pair won’t play together (except on the power play). They will anchor the top two Red Wing lines (Datsyuk with leeches Johan Franzen and Tomas Holmstrom and Zetterberg with last season’s main parasite Mikael Samuelsson and up-and-coming sycophant Jiri Hudler).

In Philly, Simon Gagne, newcomer dwarf Daniel Briere and Mike Knuble are expected to play together. After that, you have a hodge-podge of talented, young, unproven potential stars who could generate great fantasy value. But who will it be?

Mike Richards, Jeff Carter, Brett Hartnell, Scottie Upshall, Joffrey Lupul and R.J. Umberger could form two explosive lines. Or they could all just explode. Best to leave these six slide a bit down your draft list while you grab surer things in the early rounds of your draft.

Baseball pool disaster

Where to begin with the whining… A 10-point lead atop his fantasy baseball league turns into a 4.5-point deficit in three short weeks.

Carl Crawford, thanks for getting injured the final two weeks of the season. Between this and Chone Figgins’ absence, Jimmy continues to lose in the stolen base category. The solution? Bench Crawford and pick Nyjer Morgan off waivers.

Nyjer what?? Yup, reduced to hoping a Pirate call-up can swipe a few bags. To his credit, he snagged five bags last week (more than Jimmy’s entire roster for two weeks).

Curt Schilling got bumped right out of his start last week, bullpens blew wins for Brad Penny and Jake Peavy and John Maine blew up. Jimmy grabs two-start codger Jose Contreras off waivers and hopes NL MVP candidate Matt Holliday isn’t badly hurt.

Basically no way for Jimmy to catch up, but maybe some of his bad luck will be contagious for the Ancaster team.

Good luck in your NHL drafts and your baseball pools if you are still in contention.

Stay busy, stay lucky.

Jimmy D