By JIMMY D / Fantasy baseball | Jimmy's archive

Jimmy has some advice for new parents out there.

The first time your son – or daughter, let’s not be sexist here – reaches for a toy with his right hand or tries to throw a ball with his right hand, slap him.

Not a hard slap. Just a quick, little, gentle discouragement slap. Then place the ball in his left hand and teach him to throw it that way.

Repeat until he no longer uses that right hand. Just to make sure, buy him a left-handed baseball mitt.

Because if Ted Lilly is worth $10 million a season to the Chicago Cubs, just think what your kid could be worth in 20 years if he’s a southpaw who can actually pitch!

Baseball’s winter meetings wrapped up last week with money spilling out of team pockets and into player wallets faster and more foolishly than we have witnessed in many moons.

Bad lefties were among the benefactors and Lilly happily put pen to paper on a four-year deal at Wrigley, where his fantasy value likely plunges while his bankroll soars. The former Jay lefty, a serviceable No. 3 starter at best who can chew up innings, got $40 million guaranteed.

Randy Wolf, a year after Tommy John surgery and in the wake of a season where he pitched in just 12 games for the Phillies, got $8 million from the Dodgers.

Not bad. How about for a southpaw with some pedigree who actually knows how to pitch?

Andy Pettitte got $16 million for one season to leave his hometown Astros and go back to the Bronx. The Yankees overpay? Never. So he must be worth it.
And the Mets kept Tom Glavine in their rotation with a deal that could be $21 million over two seasons.

It probably makes unsigned lefty starter Barry Zito worth A-Rod money ($25 million). Maybe not, he’s not nearly as handsome as A-Rod, but paying $20 million for 32 starts could be viewed as a shrewd general managerial move.

It makes you wonder. What would Steve Carlton command in his prime in this market? Or Sandy Koufax? $30 million? $35 million?
More deals and moves that affect your fantasy rosters and plans.

Rangers
Vicente Padilla, three years at $11 million each. Hard to believe the guy almost got bullpenned in Philly a few summers ago when he couldn’t get anybody out. God bless him and his average work.

Dodgers
Jason Schmidt, three years, $47 million. The Dodgers grab the best free-agent starter away from a division rival. At $16 million for a top-level starter who is 34 years old, this insane deal almost makes sense.

Royals
Gil Meche, five years $55 million. Ever go to auction with a pocketful full of 20’s and start bidding on stuff that you didn’t even really want and knew deep in your heart wasn’t really worth it? A few experts made an excellent point on this move: if the pauper Royals wanted to lavish such a contract on a pitcher, why not do it last year on someone like A.J. Burnett (who signed with Toronto for similar dough)?
Meche, 28, has been average since missing two full seasons due to injury. He has never had a losing record, but also never had a WHIP under 1.43 for a full season.

Cubs
Alfonso Soriano, eight years $136 million. He boasted supreme fantasy numbers in 2006 and they should be even better in 2007 at Wrigley. You don’t have to shell out the nearly-$20 million a season, so just enjoy the fantasy ride.

Phillies
Freddy Garcia, trade with White Sox. As usual, the Phillies figure they are one starting stud away from winning the NL East. They have tried deals like this in the past, but this one has bigger potential for greatness as well as for backfiring.
First, Garcia comes to the NL, where the Phils have a solid lineup and he faces hitters who don’t know his stuff.
But he is a free agent after next season, and parting with slow-blooming Gavin Floyd and pitching prospect stud Gio Gonzalez will smart in two years if Garcia flops.

A’s
Mike Piazza, $8.5 million. They lose Frank Thomas to a crazy deal in Toronto and sign Piazza to a semi-crazy deal. Makes sense.

Giants
They lose Schmidt, but bring back Rich Aurilia, sign codgerish leadoff man Dave Roberts from the Padres and give that Bonds guy another $20 million deal. In a division getting younger and better, the Giants are treading water. Which probably means they sink to the bottom of the NL West by season’s end.

Less than two weeks until Christmas, so next Tuesday will see Jimmy’s annual rendition of Twas The Night Before Christmas. And on Boxing Day, we’ll set up the college football bowl schedule and point you to a few contests where you can pocket cash and prizes by cherry-picking bowl winners.

In the meantime, stay busy and stay lucky.

JPoole@Herald.ca

Jimmy D