By JIMMY D / Fantasy Sports

Jimmy passes out – weekly awards, that is

Every once in a while, there is a week is so full of bizarre happenings and unexpected fantasy surprises that it deserves its own weekly award show. Last week was such a week.

The Housekeeper Award – given to the team that cleans house the best.
Philadelphia Flyers. Wow, Jimmy predicted a grounded season for the Flyers, but GM Bob Clarke quits and Coach Hitch gets unhitched from his job just a few weeks after getting his deal extended.

They have until Thursday to practice and get their wings before the Thrashers come to town. But not optimistic this will turn things around. Think about it. The team is playing like crap – they can’t scorer, the defence is awful and the goaltending matches. And who falls on the sword? The coach and GM.
Guess the players are off the hook, hopefully they don’t see it that way or it will be a long season for your fantasy Flyers.

The UFO Award – given to the football team firing the most unconnected flying objects.
Miami Dolphins: Joey Harrington leads all QBs with 414 passing yards, but misses nearly half of his 62 pass attempts! The pathetic ‘Fins give up 34 points at home and lose to Green Bay.

The Piece of Plywood Award – given to the goalie whose play most resembles a sheet of wood covering the entire front of the net.
Ray Emery: Sens goalie lowers his GAA to 1.46 and beats the Devils. Note to Senator management: Heed Jimmy’s advice and get Gerber out of there. Emery plays, the Sens win (his only loss was a 1-0 decision against Calgary). Gerber plays, Sens lose. You figure it out.

The Oh-my-gosh-I’m-a-Hoover Award – given to the player for whom most of us have come to the startling revelation that maybe he sucks.
Edgerrin James: He took the money and ran to Phoenix, but hasn’t run much since he arrived. Edge ran for a whopping 34 yards against the Oakland defence Sunday. Note, that was the Raiders defence.

The Robin-Hood-Pick-pocket Award – given to the team that tries to take money from Jimmy D’s pocket
Michigan State: The Spartans rallied from 38-3 down in the third quarter to beat Northwestern on Saturday 41-38. Why is this important? Because Jimmy bet Northwestern +9.5 and the Spartans nearly came back to the cover the spread. The Huskies blew the game, but not Jimmy’s wager.

The No-Business Award – given to the player who has no business making a 62-year field goal.
Matt Bryant was 0-4 from beyond 40 yards this season, so why not give him a chance at 62 yards to beat Jimmy’s Eagles? Boom, game over. Nice comeback by the Eagles though, putting up 500 yards of offence, 100+ on the ground and via the pass for stud Brian Westbrook. They should be 7-0, but are 4-3.

The Blue Cross Award – given to the team whose injury-insurance policies will pay the most due to lost time.
Chicago Blackhawks: With youngsters Cam Barker and Tuomo Ruutu already on the shelf, Chicago watches Michal Handzus go down the drain with an ACL tear and Martin Havlat go out three weeks with an ankle sprain. Oh, and for good measure, Nik Khabibulin broke his finger on the weekend.
So much for the Blackhawks and the playoff spot Jimmy forecast for them.

Jimmy’s Jackals back to winning ways

With injuries abating and better bye-week management, Jimmy easily won Week 7 in his head-to-head pool. He got touchdowns from all six offensive players and three TDs from Lion Jon Kitna, to make up for a woeful Seahawk defense and bye-week replacement kicker Jason Scobee (whose Jaguars were stunned in Houston as 10-point favourites).

Jimmy grabbed Tennessee rookie Vince Young last week off waivers, knowing Kitna was headed for a bye and Trent Green was still on the shelf. After his first pro win, we expect Young to play well with an extra week of practice and hosting the aforementioned Texans.

Jimmy also grabbed Antonio Bryant off waivers as insurance against continued Donte Stallworth hamstring woes and Ahman Green proved a shrewd waiver pickup last week as he ran for 118 yards and a score against Miami.
Don’t just be in your football pool: work it.

Hoopla for hoops

Not a ton of interest locally in NBA pools and fantasy leagues, but Jimmy will take a quick glance for next week’s column.
In the meantime, stay busy and stay lucky.

Jimmy D