By JIMMY D / New Years resolutions for fantasy sports | Jimmy's archive

For everyone whose fantasy mantra is ‘Wait ‘til next year,’ well, it’s here.
2007 landed with a thud yesterday. So did Jimmy D’s hope of winning his main head-to-head football pool.

Some bad luck doomed the Jimmyville Jackals, but the roster was managed well, so no regrets there. Congrats to a happy AngryKevin for his victory.
So as we look ahead to restocking the depleted keeper-league roster and to making up ground in the head-to-head hoops pool, we make some New Year’s resolutions.

And for those in the sporting world who fail to make such resolutions, we will make a few for them.

Isiah Thomas – The man whose guiding hand has rendered the Knicks the laughingstock of the NBA should resolve to go away quietly and never come back. He has failed at just about every managerial post since leading the Pistons to titles as a player in the 1990s.

Bob Clarke – See above, except change 1990s to 1970s. The long-term ‘don’ of the Flyers mafia already made the leap, but in typical Philly phashion, remains in the mix as an advisor to the disintegrating Flyers family.

Alfonso Soriano – The new Cubs center-fielder should resolve to raise fantasy production to unprecedented heights with a 50-50-50 season at Wrigley. That’s right; 50 homers, 50 steals, 50 doubles.

Sidney Crosby – Resolves to lead the league in scoring, even if he is only 19 and even if he has no talented linemates who can convert his clever passes.

Rex Grossman – Pledges to work real hard in practice the next two weeks so that the Bears don’t give his job to Brian Griese. Two completions and three interceptions in the Bears’ Sunday loss put an ugly exclamation point on the ugliest 13-3 season in history.

Fantasy football GMs – Resolve to pay more attention to quarterbacks and buy less of the hype around running backs in next autumn’s drafts. Despite the RB-heavy draft boards, it was QBs who filled nine of the top 13 positions in fantasy production in typical Yahoo!-style leagues. Of course, that does not apply to LaDainian Tomlinson, who dominated league stats and fantasy stats.

Allen Iverson – Resolves to share the ball with Carmelo Anthony when the young hothead returns from suspension. He also pledges to show veteran leadership, maturity and contribute to a peaceful existence in Denver. Yeah right….

Barry Bonds – Resolves to speak openly and truthfully about steroid use and to behave with dignity and class when he breaks Hank Aaron’s homer record. Yeah right….

Jarome Iginla – Resolves to continue his march toward a Hart Trophy and to discredit anyone who ever branded him over-rated. His stellar all-round play – note that just 15 of his 52 points have come on the power play - proves his superior value at even strength.

Ryan Hollweg – Pledges to complete the second half of his New York Ranger season like he did the first half – with zero points in 40 games. Quite an accomplishment for a forward. The minus 9 and 69 penalty minutes make him the least desirable fantasy NHLer.

Peter Forsberg – Resolves to run out of excuses for not being able to perform at 100 per cent (my hip is sore, my ankle is sore, my skate doesn’t fit). Hey dude! Play at 80 per cent, a lot of guys with less talent do. Shut up, lace up and play.

Jordan Staal – Resolves to score goals at even strength and on the power play, instead of just short-handed in Pittsburgh. Although, I’m sure poolies desperate for shorties love the second of four Staals to hit the league and his five SHG.

Mario Lemieux – Resolves to march his Penguins out of Pittsburgh, whose citizens paid for a new stadium for the Steelers and one for the Pirates, but won’t pay squat to help replace the ancient Igloo. How does Kansas City Penguins sound to you?

Jimmy D – Resolves to drink less coffee, eat more vegetables, win more fantasy contests, watch even more sports, curse cancer, study more stats, donate blood every 56 days, get a doctor to examine his wonky shoulder, hold fewer grudges and to not dwell on things in the past.

As usual, Jimmy’s list is longer than most, because he’s busier than most.
Merry New Year to Jimmy Nation and beyond. Stay busy, stay healthy, stay lucky.

Jimmy D